Day 30: The Stress Sage Continues

I just realized that I can't just look at the date to determine the title of my post after this month.  Ugh extra work.
Anyways it's been a beat since I posted so I just thought I'd come on here to say a little of how I've been feeling.  I haven't been feeling very emotionally charged lately.  I hope that my trip home in a few weeks will make me feel better because my nerves are shot.  I've been all sad and crying and that is just not me at all. I miss dancing and turning up and drinking and just having fun being young.  I'm under way to much pressure and I do not like it at all.  but yea that is what has been going on not much detail, but this is the internet and I don't want to post all my life's issues on here just yet.  Maybe someday soon though...

Day 20: I completely failed this challenge

Honestly I don't know why i thought I'd have time to do this everyday. But recent updates I've started a diet :( it sucks but hey.  I'm also going to the gym 3 times a week oooh kill em right?  My mood is all weird kinda fluctuation but i guess that's normal for me.  Haven't really had too many off days recently so that's definately good.  I'm just living life, but honestly it's not feeling super fulfilling. I really feel like i'm missing out on so much but i don't know what it is or how to get it so...

I didn't have to modify the date and time on this post!

Day 11: The final countdown

Today was the final day of train.  It was actually kind of sad.  I didn't initially want to go on this retreat because I felt like it wouldn't really have an effect on me.  But it was really helpful I learned a lot about myself and those around me and I'm really glad I went
  Tomorrow I rest!

Day 10

This was second day of the retreat and trying to get to know a few people.  The socializing aspect of life is scary and i don't like it at all, but I adapted I guess. Honestly the most important part of the day was the cross the line exercise and the share your item your proud of activity because both of those really allowed people to be honest and open up.  Of course I was hesitant because I barely trust people I know so to trust strangers is even more of a struggle for me.  But the people who shared stories were brave and beautiful and i teared up multiple times throughout the night.  It was beautiful and sad all at the same time. After all the emotions we had brownies and then went to bed.

Day 9

Ok so honestly I'm writing about days 9-11 at the same time because I had no internet so I was't able to blog, but here we go


We woke up fairly early for breakfast and a few ice breakers and one of the ice breakers was a game called huggie bear.  It was super awkward at first because you have to hug a bunch of different people you've just met, but it turned out to be super fun.  We had lunch and then we left for the camp site. The bus ride there was a little scary because buses are big and scary and feel like they will flip over at any moment in time.  But when we arrived to the pilgrim village (I believe that is what it is called) I saw how beautiful it was and it made me smile.

We walked over to our cabins and put our stuff down then headed over to the lodge that we did most of our activities in.   I wish I remember in more detail what more of the activities were, but I can't really and I don't really want to go into it, but we did a mirror exercise that challenged people to say good things about themselves and gave us to see how other people viewed themselves.  The thing about the activity was I actually didn't see myself.  I was the first person to go so I went really quickly and all i saw was an empty box. It kind of sucked, but I was able to learn something from it either way.  I learned that you shouldn't rush new things, time passes quickly, but it won't leave you behind if you don't let it.

We did some group exercise and then we had dinner which ended up being spaghetti and was surprisingly good.  I normally only eat my mom's spaghetti so I was delighted by the taste. Plus I was starving.  After dinner there was this really good skit about hate and it was so nice to hear what everyone was thinking after. and then it was shower time and bed time for me.  I don't know I guess when there's no alchy I can't hang.

Day 8: Road Trip to Train

      Today I got an early start on the day because I had to drive all the way down to Socal to come back to school for this retreat.  It was the longest amount of time that I have been in a car by myself.  It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be though. It was nice to be alone with my thoughts and play my own music without any criticism.  However I wasn't completely alone on that road. Some people should not have licences like no lie.  I don't think people understand that you can die at any moment and that it has never been necessary to go as fast as some of the people on the road with me were going.  If I were a highway patrol person I would be making it rain with tickets.      They had no regard for not only there own lives, but also all the other people on the road.  It pissed me off so much.
   
       But what pissed me off the most was when I got really close to Redlands and this lady cut me off.  And it wasn't a safe cutoff where i could just break, she threw her car into my lane with no warning.  I almost hit her. There were no cars in the next lane so I was able to swerve over, but honestly she had me so fucked up.  So I gassed passed her and flipped her off.  I kept driving and she came up on the side of me, speeding, and she sticks her tongue out at me.  I laughed so hard!  I couldn't even be mad anymore she's a bad driver and she still sticks her tongue out at people.  I was just thinking "lady you are too old to be doing all that.  You are grown and you are not Miley Cyrus.  Put that tongue back where it belongs, and curse me out or flip me off like a grown up.

When I finally made it to school I checked in for train retreat and found my friends.  We hung out until dinner and caught up. I'm really glad I knew people because I truly suck at the whole friend making process.  But anyway we leave for the  retreat tomorrow, but today we did some ice breakers.  My favorite one was the pterodactyl game.  That game is priceless.  I'm nervous tomorrow mostly because I don't know what we are about to be doing. Also I don't know if there are showers and I need to shower because we're going to be there for two nights.  We all need to shower. I'll probably write about days 9 and 10 on day 11

Day 7

Writing this post late, but basically I just did my hair, went to say goodbye to some family and friends and I went to the mall briefly. Pretty boring day

Day 6: Dull

Today I didn't do much.  I was supposed to go shopping for my bridemaids dress but that didn't end up happening.  I went with my mom to her friends house and we were there for a while.  After I went to my friends house and stayed the night because I won't see her again until July. I finally saw wreck it ralph sort of; I kept falling asleep on it. twas a fairly uneventful day.

Day 5: No Deal

I was supposed to go to church today because i'm leaving on wednesday, but I really don't like going to church.  They stay for too long and it's always so dramatic and I just don't feel like it.  But the first lady wanted to see me so I went at the end to say hi to her and I ended up talking to her and the rest of the church.

After I was released I met up with my friends and we went to a buffet.  We ate so much crab.  Honestly it was a little ridiculous. We originally planned to go to olive garden, but they didn't have deals so we had to pass on that.  I was shocked because they always have deals.  That was pretty much my day

Day 4: Mommy Daughter Day

Today was a nice day.  My mom wanted to hang out with me so we went shopping and spent some quality time together.  We went to eat at Red Robin and we had pretty bad service.  I think it's my fault I always get really shitty waiters and waitresses.  My food was good though and I love red robin because of their bottomless fries and root beer floats.

After that we went home and I went to hang out with my friends for a while.  We made some food and watched the fosters with this thing called a chrome cast.  It's pretty cool.  It allows you to stream things from your computer or phone to you TV or projector or whatever you like. My friend bought it from best buy for like $40.

Day 3: One Eventful Friday

So I'm writing this a few days late because my weekend was fairly eventful.  I know I said I would do this everyday, but shit happens...

So On Friday my friends and I planned to go to first Friday, which is an event that is held on every first Friday of the month in downtown Oakland.  It was the first Friday of the year, so we were pretty excited to go.  However on the way there my friends were involved in a car accident on the freeway and I had to witness it.  It was so scary, and even though I wasn't in the car with them I felt like I could lose them.  The car lost control and spent around right in front of me, and I had to swerve out of the way.  I would've hit them if I wouldn't have swerved.  The car eventually stopped in the middle of the freeway and was facing incoming traffic and only one car hit them.  No one was badly injured and for that they are truly blessed.  The situation could have been a lot worse and thankfully it wasn't.

So obviously we never made it to first Friday, but I'm sure it was fun and there will be others.  I dropped off some of my friends and my sister and I went to my other friends house.  Then we went to get food.  Taco Truck! After we got back we talked about how the situation was such a wake up call and that life is way too short.  I realized you can lose people at any moment so you must appreciate them and love them while they are still here.  Also I thought it was kind of funny that I took my sister out to have some fun because she doesn't get out much and that happens.  I'm hoping she doesn't take that as some sort of cosmic sign to not leave the house.

Lastly I thought I'd write a little more about day 2.  I hung out with 3 of my friends from high school that I hadn't seen in a while.  We went to San Francisco and we got to eat and catch up.  I found out that they think I party too much.  I don't think I party too much I mean I'm in college I'm supposed to be partying right?  We took an Uber for the first time and I freaked out because they told me it was a taxi and, well it's not exactly a taxi.  My understanding of it is it's a person's personal car and they have a GPS that shows you where they are on a map and you tell them your location and they pick you up.  It's similar to a taxi, but I guess I freaked out because it's someone's personal car and I started thinking too much. I was hyperventilating in the back seat it was pretty sad.  My friends just laughed at me.  My other friend was freaking out about how much it would cost and started planning her escape out of the window.  It was a fun day and I was really happy to see them.

Day 2

Today was a good day. I had the chance to hang out with some of my old friends.  We went to SF and went to my favorite cookie place, hot cookie.  This is so hard to write.  I had a good time though we were able to catch up and laugh.  Maybe i'll add to this tomorrow when i feel more capable of writing. or maybe not...

Day 1

        Today is the first day of another very long year, and I have decided that I don't want to forget any part of it.  2013 was one of the best years of my life.  It was the year that I accomplished what many people like me don't accomplish.  I graduated from high school and went to college and became a part of a new statistic, one of few black women who enter college.  I'm really proud of all that I accomplished last year and i'm excited for what this new year has to bring.

         I won't say "new year new me" because I find that nothing really changes when people say that and plus I don't need to wait until the new year to decide to reinvent myself.  There are some things that I should work on, but they are long term goals and not something that I expect to accomplish in a year.  I decided not to make a new years resolution again this year because I didn't make one last year and at the end of the year i had no regrets and no missed goals and therefore I didn't feel like I failed the year.  All I want to do is put my best foot forward, work hard, and try my best at everything that I do. I'm not saying that setting goals for yourself is bad I just feel like we make new years resolutions to stop doing drastic things very hastily or to start doing things that take time and discipline.

        Last night i brought in the new year with the homie.  We went up to merrit and watched the fireworks.  It was nice.  We turnt up a little, but it was freezing so we decided to go home.  It was fun, but I want to go somewhere else for new years next year, like new york or somewhere cool.

        This is my first post for this year and I'm really hoping I can keep up with this because I want to remember everything.  Even if this year sucks it will serve as a guide to help me navigate my way through 2015 without it sucking.  If anyone starts to read these i hope they don't judge my grammar because these are just free writes. I'm just emptying my mind and reliving the day.